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Michael Moore: War
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Tubby peacenik Michael Moore took to the airwaves this morning to decry the media's coverage of Iraq in the run-up to the war. Lighting into "Good Morning America" anchor Chris Cuomo, the ample activist blamed ABC and the other networks for failing to ask the tough questions. A visibly annoyed Cuomo pulled the "my anchor got blowed up" card in defense. It's a nice bit of television: Whether you come down on the side of Moore or the side of the media, it allows you to dislike both of them equally.
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We’ve all heard the expression that even a broken clock is right twice a day. Michael Moore opposes war. All war. Especially when it could in any way conceivably benefit America. He opposed Afghanistan. He opposed Kosovo, going so far as to make the asinine assertion that it inspired the Columbine killers. He opposed the first Gulf War. He opposed the Cold War. He just opposes ALL WAR.
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In 1995, Moore released a satirical film, Canadian Bacon, which features a fictional US president (played by Alan Alda) engineering a fake war with Canada in order to boost his popularity. It is noted for containing a number of Canadian and American stereotypes, and for being Moore's only non-"documentary" film. The film is ... one of the last featuring Canadian-born actor John Candy, and also features a number of cameos by other Canadian actors. In the film, several potential enemies for America's next great campaign are discussed by the president and his cabinet. (The scene was strongly influenced by the Stanley Kubrick film Dr. Strangelove.) The President comments that declaring war on Canada was as ridiculous as declaring war on international terrorism. His military adviser, played by Rip Torn, quickly rebuffs this idea, saying that no one would care about "...a bunch of guys driving around blowing up rent-a-cars".
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After creating Sicko, Moore was challenged by CNN. He fought them, and in the end forced CNN to admit that it is a web of lies. This accomplishment granted him the honor of appearing on the greatest show on television, The Colbert Report. His fight with the Communist News Network ... made The Baby Jesus happy. As an analogy the battle between CNN and Moore was the equivalent of the war between the Nazis and the USSR. Both were evil titans trying to destroy each other except one was a fat, evil communist and the other was the liberal media.
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After eighth grade Moore enrolled in a Catholic seminary. "He admired the Berrigan brothers [radical anti-Vietnam War Catholic priests Daniel Berrigan and Philip Berrigan] and thought that the priesthood was the way to effect social change," wrote The New Yorker's Larissa MacFarquhar in February 2004. "This resolve lasted only through his first year, though, after the Detroit Tigers made it to the World Series for the first time in Moore's life and the seminary wouldn't allow him to watch the games."
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Moore did not yet know English at this period in his life; it was not until Bill Clinton visited the North Pole to interview indigenous creatures about their opinions on Global warming. Moore was inspired by this visit, and committed himself to learning the English language with hopes that some day, he could become an American citizen. He spent the next 8 years meticulously studying, before he made the slightly embarassing discovery that he had actually been studying French. After several more years, he had a basic grasp of the English language.
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