LYCOS RETRIEVER 
Chuck Norris: Roundhouse Kicks
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-Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
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One time, Chuck Norris saw an ant walking off of his California ranch with a bread crumb. He proceeded to deliver a vicious roundhouse kick to the ant’s head. The ant disintegrated. The land surrounding the ant is now referred to as the San Andreas Fault.
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When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
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December 26th, 2005 at 1:20 pm Chuck Norris once stumbled upon a website with random facts about himself. Although he was flattered, he sent an email to each person who submitted an untrue fact. Upon opening the email, a leather cowboy boot came through each computer screen and roundhouse kicked everyone within a 30 meter radius.
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Chuck Norris has his own drug rehabilitation clinic. The treatment consists of Chuck Norris asking each patient "Want more smack, dope fiend?" If they say "Yes", he roundhouse kicks them in the face. If they say "No", he roundhouse kicks them in the face because they're lying. The treatment has a 385% success rate, which is mathematically impossible for everyone except Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He gave baby Jesus the gift of beard. Jesus wore it proudly until his dying day. The other three Wise Men, angered by Jesus's favoritism, had Chuck Norris removed from the Bible. They soon died mysterious Roundhouse Kick-related deaths
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